Eli's Winter Wonderland

Quite a week in sports, despite the lull in college basketball due to finals week, so let's get to it:

At long last the Mitchell Report was released. I could go on for a long time about how much of a farse the report really is - Mitchell being a director of the Red Sox, the testimony only coming from one New York based trainer, and evidence that can be challenged - but why bother. The real issue is: Now What? Do you punish the players still active, or keep out the Hall of Famers mentioned (Clemens, Bonds)? If you refer to this as the steroid era, and overturn all the records set, do you overturn the world series too? And let's not forget the Players Union refusing to allow blood testing, which is the only way to detect HGH; long suspected as being the main performance enhancer of choice. Apparently they cited privacy issues.

As for the spcific players named: Chuck Knoblauch??? Are you serious. That one I can't believe. Maybe that explains why he threw the ball all those times into the stands, eventually breaking the nose of Keith Oberland's mother - surely one of the more bizarre fan accidents in the last ten years of sports.

At least the Jets put up a fight against New England, and exposed a weakness that other teams will use - confusing Brady with cloaking the defensive line up. Unfortunately for the Jets, they aren't eligble for any bowls this year.

Way to go Tony Homo, er, I mean Romo, with a QB rating of 31.5. Maybe he should have Jessica Simpson sit in his box seats more often. And I don't mean to be unkind here, but what the hell happened to her by the way? She looks like a doll now, literally, or rather, an Olsen twin. I remember her being a lot more attractive during that show Newlyweds, or whatever it was. Just saying...

And how could I not mention the New York Giants. 14 for 53 pass completion? I'll say it again - 14 for 53?? Is there any doubt that Eli Manning is clearly on a different planet. Watching the game was like having my teeth cleaned at the dentist. The second half didn't start until 10:30, and every play was drawn out and terrible. The most amusing thing - ghe was outplayed by an aging QB who made his first start after 10 years of inactivity. Nobdoy can write this stuff, including the striking TV writers, its just so completely laughable. Yes it was windy, but the other QB, Tom Collins (gotta to like that name), appeared to suffer no "Eli-like" symptons.

As for soccer, after watching Man U beat Liverpool at 8:45 AM on Sunday Morning (yes I was out then, having pre-Brunch, OK...), I then stayed and watched Chelsea crap the bed against Aresnal. So now Aresnal has a 1 pt. lead over United.

As I was leaving the establishment, and walking towards the movie theater to watch I am Legend, two girls were approaching as I walked down a side street. I couldn't really see them clearly, because I didn't have my contacts in or my glasses on. I thought nothing of it, but then one actually kicked a chunk of ice at me from 10 feet away, which nailed me in the shin really hard. She actually wound up and kicked it, like toeing a soccer ball, and I saw it fly at my shin from ten feet away. I yelled, "Ow, what the $&#^," and they simply laughed. When they passed, I looked at them closely, and saw they were both in their 20s, and they appeared to art students or something liberal-arts minded, based on their hippyish garb. As I was bending over, grabbing the newly created whole in my uber-expensive Lucky Brand jeans, with my Man U jersey on, and my Barbor Thornproof coat, I looked up at them, and said, "What the hell was that?"

Now I thought this was deliberate, given my preppy, deuchebag appearance, and I guessed they probably deduced I had been out all morning watching soccer games. This seemed logical, given their "earthy" clothes and crunchy hair. The they stared back at me blindly, and I saw very clearly on drugs, given how diolated their pupils were. I then realized I could have been an 80 year old man instead, it wouldn't have mattered. These two people were out of their minds, literally, probably on mushrooms or LSD, and they thought it was funny to kick an ice chunk at someone. I doubt they could manage to rip my jeans again if they tried. I then wondered what time they took the whatever-it-was-they-were-on, as it was around 1:30 in the afternoon, and I wondered why they would want to walk around the Upper East Side in the middle of freezing rain.

By the way, I highly recommend I am Legend - its very well done.